I am a self proclaimed CW network (formerly the WB)
addict. It is debatable whether or not I have lived my life by divine
inspiration or by merely trying to replicate CW plotlines as closely as
possible… I recently got in a heated discussion with one of my dear friends
about how television distorts our expectations. This friend also happens to be
a recent graduate of Stanford Law School so arguing with her tends to be
fruitless… however, when it comes to hot button issues such as One Tree Hill,
Gilmore Girls, and The OC (which is actually a Fox network show but for our
intents and purposes will be included in the CW category) I would be remiss not
to throw my hat into the ring! In our argument I made the point that the CW had
seriously caused me to adopt some dysfunctional expectations for my love life
in addition to causing me to fall for, pursue or stay patient with the wrong
man multiple times. My friend argued the CW’s greatest offense was making dumb
girls think they could just wake up their senior year of high school, apply to
an Ivy League and be admitted without putting in the proper time or effort. As
for me I think the only reason I got into Harvard was because Summer Roberts
(OC) and Rory Gilmore (Gilmore Girls) paved the way before me… In fact, I would
argue Gilmore Girls prepared me for Harvard more than any prior years of
schooling… I most certainly would not have had the faintest clue who Noam
Chomsky was if it hadn’t been for that blessed show…
With the way media typecasts women (a rant for
another day) I am just grateful for the few female protagonists pursuing
college degrees in the first place!
I digress. The point is the relationships portrayed
on these glorious series are disastrous. If you are a woman between 25-30 who
religiously watched Felicity when it first aired and have still somehow managed
to be in a functional, healthy relationship, I applaud you! For those of you
who did not fare so well may I illuminate how these shows led you astray? And
for those of you who lived under a rock or are just part of the younger
generation discovering these beautiful gems of television on Netflix may I give
a word of caution? This post is sure to offend. Its painfully difficult to
criticize the fated fictional characters we all have been manipulated to root
for… So here it is… I present to you my list of the most the dysfunctional TV
relationships ever.
1. Felicity Porter and Ben Covington on Felicity
 |
| Dysfunctional Relationship Descriptors: Codependence, Communication, Emotionally Unavailable, Fixer Upper, Jealousy, Stonewalling.
First of all the whole premise of the show is about
Felicity changing her entire college plan to follow a man across the country
after he writes a cryptic message in her yearbook…Neither codependence or
convoluted communication are sexy or desirable. Felicity you’re never going to
fix that wounded bird, if anything he’s only going to get caught in that mess
of hair of yours… no matter how many times you cut it… You most definitely
should have picked Noel…
|
2. Joey Potter and Pacey Whitter on Dawson’s Creek
 |
| Dysfunctional Relationship Descriptor: Fixer Upper, Roller Coaster Romantic, Female Emotional Awakening, Incestuous Friend Groups, Love Triangles.
While I consider Pacey Whitter one of the most
handsome and charismatic men ever… he was a relationship mistake. I’m sorry but
when your romantic interest is also the best friend of your previous romantic
interest, is sleeping with teachers at 15 and holds no ambitions beyond taking
aimless nautical adventures you need to send him down the creek. Also why name
a show Dawson’s Creek if you’re going to make Dawson the most irritating
character in TV history? There is a reason Katie Holmes (Joey Potter) ended up
marrying the wackadoo that is Tom Cruise…Life imitates art…
|
3. Joey Potter and Dawson Leery on Dawson’s Creek
 |
| Dysfunctional Relationship Descriptor: Codependence, Childhood Nostalgia, Incestuous Friend Groups, Love Triangles.
Dawson Leery was so irritating that even producers
had to rewrite the story so the fated childhood best friends, center of the whole plot ended up going different directions. The Dawson lesson
is this, sometimes you have to accept your past is not your future and if you
were to imagine your life was a television series you probably wouldn’t want to
date somebody who was so whiny producers had to rewrite your story… Again, why
were we surprised by Tom Cruise?
|
4. Rory Gilmore and Dean Forrester on Gilmore Girls
 |
| Dysfunctional Relationship Descriptor: Fixer Upper, Childhood Nostalgia, Dumbing it Down.
While Rory and Dean were all fine and good in the
beginning, no one can contend the entire series went down when Rory rekindled
her relationship with a married Dean, losing her virginity to the Willy Wonka
song… Dean’s boy next door, simple charm is endearing for a couple seasons but
certainly not worth more time than that. One soon tires of listening to Rory
explain Tolstoy to Dean. Derailing a future for anything involving Willy Wonka
is a no!
5. Lorelai Gilmore and Jason Stiles on Gilmore Girls |
 |
| Dysfunctional Relationship Descriptor: Daddy Issues, Fast Talk Emotional Unavailability, Guest Room, MBA.
Jason’s nickname is “Digger...” enough said.
|
6. Peyton Sawyer and Lucas Scott on One Tree Hill
 |
| Dysfunctional Relationship Descriptor: Childhood Nostalgia, Romance Roller Coaster, Love Triangle, Adrenaline Attraction. Indecision.
While this one pains me most to write about... and they
worked it out in a healthy and happy way in the end, their road to serendipity was littered with dysfunctional pot holes. Their entire relationship
subsisted on Lucas “saving” Peyton in both literal and figurative ways. If a man
attracts that much life threatening drama you better move on quick… Also, don’t
let Mark Schwahn (the creator of One Tree Hill) get inside your head…
|
Case and point, don’t fall for a man you can’t
“live” without, don’t move across the country for someone you’ve never met,
don’t constantly rotate your boyfriend amongst your friends, don’t date someone
just to make your parents mad, trust your instincts when the voice inside your
head tells you he’s gay, don’t trust a man who has an affinity for Willy Wonka
(or more importantly Michael Buble), don’t hold onto childhood nostalgia, don’t
stay in love with the person someone was 10 years ago, don’t dumb yourself down,
don’t think you can “fix” or “save” anyone, and MOST IMPORTANTLY do not become
addicted to the CW television network at 13 years old…
No comments:
Post a Comment