“Gal”entines Day: Celebrating the Pink in Everything...

I love Valentines Day! I mean love it! It ranks among my top three favorite holidays. This is odd. Very few people love this holiday… Even those couples wh0 are knee deep in amorous, sprinkled gumdrop, cotton candy sort of love have their hesitations about it… So why would someone such as myself, who has been knee deep in the most dysfunctional decade of dating ever be smitten with such a celebration? I am first to admit I am a sucker for anything kitschy and pink. I like the idea of spending an entire day unabashedly doused in flamingo shades while inhaling an exorbitant amount of chocolate. Though my fuchsia fetish is reason enough, my love for this holiday extends beyond an affinity for magenta. Without fail this holiday that is notorious for making the majority of the population feel inadequate, has taught me how about adequacy. It has taught me the sheer transformative power of validating another human being. There isn’t a greater manifestation of love than reminding someone else they are worthy.

My first experience with Valentines validation occurred in the 7^th grade. It was all the rage to send val-o-grams at the time. Essentially a val-o-gram was a lollipop and card you could purchase through the school for 50 cents to send your friends or those you secretly admired. Then on Valentines Day, one of the school’s personnel would come into each homeroom and call out the names of whomever had received one and passed them out. I dreaded the distribution of the val-o-grams. Around mid January, I would begin to fret over whether or not I would receive one. After all, at 13, receiving a val-o-gram was the truest indication of your worth. Exhausted by my constant fretting, my mother gave me a challenge. She told me to think through every person in my grade who would likely not receive a val-o-gram, gave me 20 dollars, and encouraged me to send an anonymous val-o-gram to the list of individuals I came up with. I took her up on her challenge and poured over the pages of my yearbook in order to make a list. I ended up sending over 20 anonymous val-o-grams that year. I even sent some of the individuals I selected more than one. As luck would have it I myself received two val-o-grams that year. More importantly I learned my first Valentines lesson. My mother taught me a simple but poignant lesson about love. She helped me to recognize that in the moments we feel unrecognized, unloved, or maybe just not loved or acknowledged in the ways we hoped, it is important to look out for others more carefully, give more generously, and love more abundantly.

Valentines season my senior year of high school taught me another imperative love lesson. The Sunday before Valentines Day I was asked to give a talk in my Sunday worship service. In my faith, different members of the congregation are asked to deliver talks on various religious topics each week. On the particular Sunday I was asked to speak, I learned that a young woman, beloved by our entire congregation, was unconscious in the hospital due to meningitis. The hour before I was to deliver my talk I grappled with what I would say in light of the information. The topic I had been assigned was faith. I don’t remember the words I said but I remember feeling an overwhelming sense of hope as I spoke them. A few days later, on Valentines, this young woman passed away. At 16 years old she possessed a grace beyond description. She was an intimidating, exquisite kind of beautiful yet unfailingly kind. Her ability to see the worth, value and goodness in others was unparalleled. There was no need for her mother to teach her val-o-gram object lessons, she came by it naturally and seamlessly. She was a constant reminder to me of the importance of having just a little more patience with people. Remembering who she was (and is) gave me daily strength throughout subsequent years as I endured my cancer battle. She made such an impact upon me that there isn’t a day I don’t think about her. Every Valentines Day I am reminded that if she made the impact she did in 16 short years, I can do more than I am doing with the marvelous gift of time allotted to me. I can be grateful for every new year of kitschy pink I am able to celebrate.

So many good things have come to me in the Valentines season. In a way I think Valentines is the time I really evaluate where I am and where I’d like to be going. This time of year has always brought me the promise of spring. Whether it has been new friends, hopes, opportunities, or perspective, it has always tinted my life with rose colored glasses in the best possible way.

This season I have been thinking a lot about the need for women to be more loving and supportive of one another. I have reflected on the ways I am overly competitive and critical of the women around me. I think we should extend our Valentines celebration beyond romantic love and consider how we are doing at loving our families, friends and even strangers. We could all take a cue from Leslie Knope and make a point to celebrate “Gal-entines Day” and the female friendships in our lives. I have been disheartened by the recent bombardment of blog posts of women criticizing other women. There have been pieces written demeaning the role of wife and mother. There have been outraged wives and mothers who have responded by criticizing women who follow professional endeavors over family pursuits. Women dedicate so much virtual (and actual) space to criticizing everything from the fashion choices, weight fluctuations, and life paths of other women that they miss the overwhelming resource they are to one another! Isabel Allende said it best. “I can promise you that women working together - linked, informed and educated - can bring peace and prosperity to this forsaken planet.” Valentines Day can be the commercial, kitschy, obnoxious, disappointing holiday it has always been, or it can be a day that reminds us to send a val-o-gram, be more patient, support and celebrate the accomplishments of others and most importantly always believe in the promise of spring.